What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
