I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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