idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
