Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Drunk walkin through police station. America
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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