who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
