ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
