he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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