It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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