Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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