I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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