And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Randomize
