She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
did you just send me my own nude
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
