I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
