I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
As shirtless as possible
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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