good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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