Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize