i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
