Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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