In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
