Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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