Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize