Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
