So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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