Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
