"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Randomize
