dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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