The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
