He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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