as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
