my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
