i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
