$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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