i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
