Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
