is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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