I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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