The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
