There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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