I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
