I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
