"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
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