just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
