you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
