u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
