I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
