He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
