dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
why do cheetos always look like penises
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
