Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
