you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
