Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
