he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
