btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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