She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
