I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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