I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
