Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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