Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
