If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
