Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Two words: blizzard sex
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
