His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
