I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
