90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Less talking, more tequila
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
