How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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