Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
