mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
His nipple licking is glorious
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