I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
