I just saw a hot homeless man
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
