You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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