Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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