yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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