Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
A+ Viking dick
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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